I think we were both in shock and trying to process it. On the car journey home, we sat in silence, the only thing I said was “what are we going to tell the kids?” He said, “nothing yet” Once home it was so hard to pretend nothing was going on.

His first symptom appeared overnight; he had turned yellow. He was given blood tests and a scan and then taken into urgent surgery to place a stent to stop his bilirubin rising any further as they were at a dangerous level. The consultant said that as he was fairly young at 53 and relatively healthy, they would start him straight onto the strongest chemo regime for an initial 3 months. It consisted of several drugs including folfirinox and gemcitabine amongst others delivered over several hours via IV. He also had to have an injection of atropine and drugs to prevent sickness and other side effects of the chemo.

He was also on various medications from the GP for the symptoms of pancreatic cancer to help relieve the pain or deficiencies. One of the drugs prescribed was Creon capsule, these help the body absorb the nutrients and break down the food. Sadly, not everyone has access to this vital drug, without it the pancreas will continue preventing the body absorbing vital nutrients. He had to have constant blood tests. Paul had an extreme reaction to the chemo, and it stripped his bowel lining resulting in a hospital stay to stabilise him. The chemo strength had to be reduced to half strength and delivered in the same way. This was a huge set back and potentially going to damage the success rate. Unfortunately, the first round of chemo wasn’t hugely successful, the tumour hadn’t grown but also hadn’t shrunk.

As covid was rampant and Paul’s immune system was greatly compromised they decided another round of chemo was not worth the risk. A couple of months later he had new symptoms and was sent for another scan which revealed the tumour that we had named ‘Edward’ had grown a bit but had also spread to his lymph nodes. It was agreed he would try another course of chemo but not as many drugs and not as long as he was no longer in receipt of folfirinox. This was another 3-month course followed by a scan. Sadly, there was no improvement, so treatment was stopped, and we were referred to palliative care. A couple of months later he developed ascites which is fluid built in the abdomen. He had to have a temporary drain; this happened a couple more times before they fitted a permanent drain which would then require a district nurse to come in either daily or every two days to drain Paul’s fluid away. I asked to learn to be able to do the drain. Once they were satisfied, I was competent they no longer needed to visit, and I performed the drain which was important for both our morales.

I would have done anything I could to help him as most of the time you feel so helpless. Lockdown caused us to shield and for that I am grateful for that special quality time together.

There is no early detection test and very little progress has been made to find one and successful treatment. Knowing only 7% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer survive 5+ years. I was shocked at how few the treatment options were. He asked if there were any trials, he could go on but sadly his cancer was too progressive as with so many others that are diagnosed with it.

I turned to Macmillan onsite at the hospital to have a release and get some information. They have an open door during their opening hours and can offer a sympathetic ear, chat over a cuppa, lots of information on how to manage cancer and for those who have sadly lost their hair through chemo, they have an area for wigs and support.